Grumbles and smiles

When I arrived in France in 1984 I was curious about everything. I asked lots of questions and got lots of interesting answers. Before coming to France I knew that the French had the reputation of always complaining about everything. I discovered that this reputation was based in reality. I also discovered that going on strike was almost a national sport.

I remember talking to a very old Toulousain and I asked him, “Why do you French people complain and grumble all the time? You live in a beautiful, modern country where you have lots of social advantages, free education for all and great food and wine. But still you moan and grumble and protest. Can you tell me why.”

Before answering he moved his soggy Gauloise cigarette from one side of his mouth to the other a few times. This was fairly easy for him since he had no teeth to get in the way, and his cigarette could circulate quite freely. Looking at me sadly, as if I were to be pitied, he shook his head a few times, and said,

“ Vous n'avez rien compris. Nous avons tout ça parce que nous râlons tout le temps.”

“You really don't get it, do you? We have all of that because we complain all the time.”

This may come as a shock to those of you who hail from a country where saying that everything is great all the time is synonymous with social correctness and a healthy patriotism.

I once asked an American friend, “Why do you guys smile at everybody, even when you don't know them and you're not trying to sell them something?”

I got a very American reply, “That person may not be my friend, but they could be a future friend! You have a good one!”

Don't feel rejected if people you don't know don't smile at you. The reason that the French appear cold and aloof is that they feel there has to be a reason to be warm and smiling with somebody. After all, people they don't know may not be their enemy, but they could be a future enemy.

If you smile spontaneously at people, you shouldn't force yourself not to smile. Just don't take it personally when the smile is not returned.

Without forgetting that a smile is often contagious. In spite of themselves, some people will involuntarily smile back, and later ask themselves, “Where on earth do I know them from?”

Don't stress in French!

French sounding English? Don't stress!

Who is this person, Marie, that she keeps referring to? I wondered. Until I realised that, as an English speaker, she was using the odd French word, but distorting the pronunciation by using characteristically English stressed syllables. 

   In order to be understood in French it can be important to realise that stressed syllables are almost inexistant in spoken French. This English lady was , in fact, referring to the town hall – la Mairie. But she was doing the English thing of crushing the first vowel, and stressing the second syllable, so that it sounded like the girl's name Marie – muhREE.

   As an English teacher in the French education system, I had fun explaining to my pupils that they needed to master one vowel sound in English: uh. I would explain to them that when they came across a word in English that looked just like a French word, all they had to do with the vowels was to replace them with “uh” and they'd probably get the pronunciation right.

   Take, for example the word “cinéma”. The French pronounce three distinct vowel sounds : see-nay-mah. (More or less....). However the English word “cinema” comes out: sin-uh-muh.

Then I had to explain to them the joys of stressed syllables, and how they can make all the difference to the meaning of the word, sometimes the difference between a verb and a noun.

“I refuse to put the refuse in the dust-bin.”

• re-FUSE and REFF-use.

Other languages use the stressed syllable, as I discovered to my joy when I was learning Brazilian Portuguese. But that is another story.

G.B. Shaw said that good advice is rarely given, and never taken. In spite of that, here is some advice to get you sounding French.

  Do not lapse into the unhealthy habit of speaking Franglais. The chances are that any French words you throw into an English sentence will be pronounced in an English way.      According to studies  by psycho-linguistic experts, if you pronounce a word in a certain way more than 250 times, it will get stuck in your brain and you will always pronounce it that way. Always and forever.

You have been warned.

   If you need to talk about the town hall, call it “the town hall”, rather than confusing your interlocutor. And, of course, moving towards the critical level of 250 repetitions. Interestingly, la mairie actually sounds more like Mary than Marie.

   Franglais induces a form of intellectual laziness. You may say a few words in French to an English speaker, but you know that you can lapse back into English when you've run out of French vocabulary. 

   The most effective learning takes place when you break out in cold sweats trying to say something in French because your interlocutor doesn't understand English.That is why total immersion is so effective. You have to develop linguistic reflexes, and you know the old expression: necessity is the mother of.....panic. Sometimes.

   Oh – and understand and accept that pronouncing foreign words correctly actually feels kind of dumb and silly when you start learning a new language. That's why we lapse back into English pronunciation so often. We rush back into our comfort zones.

Not good.

Accept feeling silly, because you won't sound silly, and you will increase your chances of being understood. 

Just get over it, ok?

And enjoy being in the beautiful Toulouse area.

You don't need to lose your nerve

Recently I was helping somebody find their way through their mobile telephone contract. She wanted to know exactly what she was entitled to according to her contract with Orange.

She had heard about the banning of rip-off “roaming charges” in Europe as from June 2017 but then made the understandable mistake of going in to an Orange store for precise confirmation. At the store thought she was told something different, and left even more perplexed and anxious than before.

During our chat, she made this sad remark

“ Since moving to France pretty recently, I have lost any nerve I have as far as my rights as a customer! I am never positive that I was truly "wronged" because I always think that it may have been due to a misunderstanding due to language.”

So many problems we encounter in daily life start as misunderstandings due to language, even when the two parties are apparently speaking the same language. Just think: marriage, for example.

However this phenomenon is exacerbated when there is an evident, pre-existing language barrier. Add to this the problem of cultural differences, and there is an immediate increase in the share values of the manufacturers of SSRIs and tranquillizers!

Dealing with “l'administration française” is a whole other problem which I shall look at in my next article. Even the French complain about “l'administration française”!

In a purely commercial context, however, there are simple solutions that always work. If you apply them, you need never worry about losing your nerve due to problems with speaking or understanding French.

The most obvious solution, in France, is to learn the language. That way, you will gradually increase your confidence, and will be able to avoid getting imprisoned in the treacherous ex-pat bubble.

Always bear in mind that even in France, if you are paying for something, the seller needs to make more efforts than you. If there are doubts about understanding, do not hesistate to say, “Lentement, s'il vous plaît.” And repeat it as often as it takes. Don't worry about becoming “chiant” ( a pain in the ar*e ). If they want your money (and they do) they will make the effort to ensure that you have understood correctly.

In my early years in France, over thirty years ago, French people often complained about not understanding my accent. “Ici, c'est français, monsieur!” they repeated, thinking that by shouting I would understand better. I soon learned that people could understand me perfectly when there was a question of my giving them a sum of money greater than ten francs, back in the pre-euro days.

Communication obeyed the “10 fr” rule before pronunciation and grammar rules.

Refuse to be intimidated by an apparently haughty, demeaning manner. They might seem to be implying that it's your responsibility to understand them, but the truth is they want your money regardless of what time they went to bed last night.

Another danger to be aware of is thinking that you have understood when you may have missed a vital point. Pride is not your friend here. Insisting on clarification as often as it takes will pay in the end.

I remember being quite shocked in 1984 when I heard people come into a boulangerie and say, “Donnez-moi deux baguettes.” with never a “s'il vous plaît” in sight. I was shocked, but the shop assistant wasn't. Cultural differences.

I had the reverse problem when I started returning to the UK many years later. At the check-out in M&S, a charming young man asked me, “Have you got the M&S Loyalty card at all?”

“At all?”

What did that mean? Could I say, “Well, I do have just a bit. Will that do?”

Of course, the “...at all?” is just added on to soften the question. Presumably because “Have you got the Loyalty Card?” could sound too brutal and  aggressive for delicate English ears.

It has always been true that "the customer is always right", and even in France it is important to bear that in mind when you are the customer. The French are not automatically and spontaneously nice to people they don't know. My life in France became a lot easier when I realised that as a general rule French people don't like people. They call it “méfiance” (wariness, distrust). This is so different than the USA, for example, where smiling at everyone, everywhere seems to be required by Federal Law.

If, like my FB friend, you feel that you need to go into a store to speak to a real live human being, take the time to prepare your questions. If you can't pronounce the words, write them down and show them to your interlocutor.

If you don't understand their replies, get them to write them down. Often a written word is easier to recognise than the spoken word. If they are in front of a computer monitor, get them to swivel it around so you can see the words and figures.

And don't worry about irritating them by your repeated insistence. If they want your money, they will be patient with you. Or at least they will feign patience, which is the same thing as far as you are concerned.

Special circumstances.

My friend had already signed a contract with Orange. She had already committed to paying them for a year. Orange already had her money, one could say. In that case, another commercial fact can be useful to know: it costs twice as much for a business to acquire a new customer as it does to keep an existing one. That is why loyalty counts.

If you ask the Orange employee, “Voulez-vous que je reste chez Orange?” (Do you want me to stay with Orange?) you will never be told, “Je m'en fous.” (I couldn't care less (UK) I could care less (USA) )

Note for Brits: Concerning mobile phone services in Europe, bear in mind that everything may change when you are no longer European in 2019.